Bombshell Wiggle

Day of the Depressed

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 05:48:34 GMT

Fun day, fireworks were a nice distraction but it seem that no matter where I go everyone I encounter has mental health issues that they want to enlighten me with. Pop online and bam! someone is already telling me how they have been severely depressed for 5 years and have been to a shrink for 4 and they same story over and over again. I learned long ago just to not say anything and listen, since I have had experience with getting through difficult times fine and dandy. If I dare mention, " this is what helped me and this was how I did it" it's like I have tried to convert them to Christianity, the response is not even worth the effort.

social entrepreneurship

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 19:12:30 GMT

I was watching this PBS documentary about social entrepreneurship and it really got the wheels in my head turning. As if the answer to my dilemma was presented right to me, my dilemma being that I need to figure out how to be a better person and help more people, actually as many people as I possibly can. One of the segments was about this guitar player in Brazil who is the equivalent of the cowboy as a profession, and he say that people in his country were getting cancer because the only way to have light or power was through kerosene, which causes cancer. And if you wanted power, there were these expensive instillation cost and the whole deal was too expensive for people who really were lucky if they could live on one dollar or less a day. So this guy, through many trials and tribulations, started renting solar panels for solar power at the same price the kerosene was costing per month. So, he brought light to people who were completely in the dark, and as a result, the people used their solar power to cook and have access to technology and the possibilities were limitless as to what a lil solar power can do to change poverty. The idea being that hand outs and charity are fine but those will run out, you give someone the tools for success at cost, then the people will work their way out of poverty on their own. At least I know my place in the world and that I better damn well use all the knowledge I have or can get to be productive.

Driving Distance

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 00:11:18 GMT

How silly was I to even think that moving would be a good idea, moving is hell, packing is awful, the heat alone tell me not to move anywhere but indoors to a place with air-conditioning. What I need is a vacation! Maybe a spa... with massages, facials and horseback riding.

Got to see my Mom yesterday, and I have to say that since I have become an adult, we get along better and better. My favorite memories from when I was growing up was from when I was about 4 and I remember thinking how pretty and nice my Mom was, and how lucky I felt that she got me a horse of my own (which when you think about it is an unusual gift for a baby). Considering the highs and lows of my childhood that good by far outweighs the bad. I'm glad my Mom is in good health and that I can pretty much expect her to be around for a long while and within driving distance.

FLower Mound

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 23:44:53 GMT

Took this quiz to see what towns in the US would best suit me (findyourspot.com) and most were in Oregon, and California (Ojia and Ventura) which really doesn't surprise me, since I end up going to these places for vacation. I can't say why I would ever want to live in the East coast, I can't really figure out why but for some reason the east coast scares me, too much open spaces, hicks, or maybe that's just in my imagination. I have grown used to the grind of Las Vegas and if I really thing about the general population of Vegas I get a headache... Vegas is an old car that has been repainted and has brakes that grind and an engine that backfires to me. California is too full of people, just packed to the brim, houses are expensive as hell, but Oregon on the other hand has everything California has but less people and an ocean, sounds nice...

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 16:29:48 GMT

We are all searching for the fast road, the easy road, “perhaps if I do what that one person did, I can have what he has….the house he ahs and that way I can avoid myself, avoid the realization that I really have no idea who I am why I am , and what I am…. It’s like everyone is looking for the idea of what they are supposed to be, in other people. And when they realize they can’t fin the person that is supposed to give them the answers, they look up and figure it must be in the clouds, must be…. But logically clouds don’t speak or give answers so let’s pretend there is a guy who is the idea who what he should copy, then we can relax…. All just ways to avoid looking at yourself and really questioning your why’s…ways to stay preoccupied I guess.

Yes, there is the basic needs to survive and live but once you have that accomplished it’s like the perfect time to destroy yourself…. Hey I know - If I can punish myself for no reason then let’s go ahead and do that - first I’ll make myself the enemy, then I will fight with myself and say bad things about myself … then I can really cover up the real questions - keep myself busy so I don’t have to think at all… I’ll watch other people on the tube and they will be my “god” I will worship and compare myself to them, and work hard to become like them… perfect then it is like a 2 way cover up - when I am not trying to copy the guy in the clouds, I can copy the people on TV and it will all work out perfectly.

What would happen if I really stopped and thought about why I do the things I do and what purpose things have I would know that my thoughts and world is full-o-clutter and preoccupation. The conclusion I have come up with is that everything is cellular, if inside my body there are smaller independently functioning parts that survive and live for the purpose of something bigger, and the smaller things are from bodies to organs, to cells, to protons and to infinity then there must be an infinite cell that goes from parts to bodies to earth to space and to infinity. So that brings me to the question of what is my place in the world, I am a part for the working universe and the better I am as a part the better the universe works as a whole.. Conversely - it is either all or nothing, so I’ll choose the all. However if I am defective and non-productive then I am causing all the other parts in the world to work for me until I am no longer necessary thus not really needed in the universe. The more productive I am, I.e., helping people, taking care of myself, promoting ways to make other people’s existence a smoother ride… the better of everything is.

So back to my personal inventory - grudges, arguments, saying bad things about people, TV, putting garbage in my body and my mind…. All unnecessary, all diversions